Expression

I feel fucked, So much pain. How long has it lasted? It`s been ever since I could remember. Long nights, hard decisions.

I want that freedom, and God will give it to me, day by day i am seeing it. But it takes time, there will be days where their is a struggle.

and God is it ever hard some days, Can`t even believe Ive fought through it.

There`s amazing days, then there is some road block fucking Days, that just are so unbelievable that I just ask myself why.

No wonder I am so ambitious, Ive been really broken hard, like a window smashing into a bunch of Pieces.

My exact ambition is a reflection of my Strength and longing to be free. For anyone that knows me personally, They will know how motivated or ambitious I am.

I used to Use My goals and ambitious dreams to cover pain and think that success was my road to freedom, yes it`s true to some Extent (very little), but not to this extent. It`s evident because God has shown me the truth, not only that but I realize what kinda of Lifestyle I was conditioned to.

I know the gifts in me will never go away, They were there ever since I was born, I never really saw those gifts until I really started to be aware of all of them recently. It`s like a part of seeing change and healing in your life, you gotta see who you really are.

Understanding yourself is a huge value that some may overlook. understanding you, is understanding God, Because We are a reflection of christ and his love. Why would we hurt ourselves if we wouldnt hurt the ones we love or christ who died for us. You are a reflection of God`s nature as a person living. If your one with him then why would we put ourselves down or hate our own?

God is hurt personally when we hurt ourselves even in the smallest of ways because he truly loves us. In such a deep way, It`s far greater love that he has for us then anyone that you can think of.
he really cares about every single thing in our life, he is excited when we are excited, He is sad to see when we are sad, he wants to uplift us and really share a moment of life with us that is bonding between him and you. There is so much detail that he has shown me about his life that so many people miss.

I used to think he didnt care when I was upset, or when I was sad about something... But he truly cares in such a deep way that there is so much depth and understanding that he has for us that he has the number of all our hairs numbered and on his mind all the time. That goes for everything in our life, He knows us so personally that is it is single handily astounding.

think for a moment if you just had a first born baby, How would you treat that first born? It would be like you just met your first love, this is the way God our Father looks at us moment by moment. we are HIS first love, and I will say that he is my first love and only first love. My best friend and no one will ever compete with that. I know what love is, Ive loved people but I will love no one more then I love God who is my Father.

Heal

Man, I won`t let a woman use me, to drag me down in a relationship, thinking They can get better. If you want better, Go get that dude, Because clearly I am fine being myself. I am confident in Who i am, I don`t care about the next dude, He can have a nice share of some Cake. Eat that cake bud, cuz I`m not having it with you.

Someone who will be with me, Won`t even second guess the relationship. It`s there and it`s there for life. So, I`m not scared if I get dumped, go and dump, I am fine. Break ups are hard, But you learn from them; make the best out of it.



I don`t fear about who To be married with, Where to find her or where she going to be. Yes, I have had questions in relationships, There is only one Ex-GF I know I would spend the rest of my life with, Is there doubts ever? yes, But I`m not worried about it.

I am married in Spiritual union to Holy spirit (note: not religiously)  , That is my first and only true lover, When he brings that special Woman into my life, It will be the right timing.




As you may already know, I am frustrated with some things. Ive had issues with some relationships, Been hurt before. In relationships Ive been let down but it`s time to heal and move on.

My thoughts on relationships (rant warning)

I know for myself a person who needs to use Pick up Artist Techniques to get woman to like you is a orphan. Ahaha.

First off, I was scared of love, I was scared of opening up, deep down It was because I was hurt a lot. Ive had woman do some weird ass stuff, so Of course theres going to be trust issues after that shit, but I don`t relay on Chicks to "feel" good, Ya relationships are sweet and it`s amazing, but a few years back I really acted like a player, I just wanted chicks to like me and wouldn't actually commit. As weird as all that sounds, It was a growing experience. I`m much more confident now, could care less if a GF wants to try and think I need to be in a relationship because I can`t have anything else. I`m there because I want to be, and I will the love heck out of that person I love. It`s called unity, Freedom and compassion. Loving a person for who they are, And them not being scared to open up, and just being completely open about everything. It`s amazing.

Real talk. I believe Marriage is important and Guys that act like players are quiet insecure, but they sure have a real great time of hiding it, like I did.

I have that Same Unity and freedom with God. You can be real as you want, anytime you want. Stop acting like a fake robot and just tell him what you really think. Religious people act like orphans, It`s not father relationship, It`s a "I am a orphan cry baby, who has no father and I don`t trust him that he is actually my father, So I have to go do religious works to please him, so I can feel something". ROFL!!

Man... See who you really are, you are a child of a king. So act like it. Stand up, and be a man or a woman like you really are. Don`t be afraid, Stand out between the crowd, why hide in secret and hide all these things you wouldn't want people to see?

There`s time to see a change in this world, and It starts with one person, each and everyone of us :D.

Don`t be afraid to speak out, Speak out and be vocal about what you really feel.